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You’ve seen a lot. You’ve made good choices. You’ve learned from the bad ones. So, when it comes to money, it makes sense to want to feel sure about what you’re doing.
But what if that feeling of certainty is exactly what’s keeping you stuck? And what if that certainty is preventing you from seeing that you’re stuck?
The Problem with Certainty
Certainty feels safe. It feels like control. It can even feel like self-protection. But when it comes to money, especially in a world that’s constantly changing, being too sure can actually work against you.
Certainty might sound like:
- “This is just how I am with money.”
- “I already know what I need to do. I just need to do it.”
- “That won’t work for me.”
- “That doesn’t apply to me.”
These don’t sound like problems… until you realize they shut the door on curiosity, possibility, and growth.
Family therapist Salvador Minuchin once said, “Certainty is the enemy of change.” And no matter how old you are or what you’ve seen in your life, one thing is guaranteed: change will keep knocking.
How It Shows Up
In my work with women in their 60s and beyond, I see certainty show up when:
- They’re navigating retirement and are scared to make a “wrong” move.
- They’ve made sacrifices for others and want to protect what they’ve built.
- They’re trying to help their adult children financially, but aren’t sure if it’s sustainable.
- They’ve tried budgeting or investing before and it “didn’t work,” so now they’ve sworn it off.
Here’s the hard truth: certainty feels like confidence, but it’s often fear in disguise. Sometimes it’s the fear of messing up again. Sometimes it’s the weight of all you’ve already survived.
And sometimes, it’s the story you’ve been carrying for years about what “good” financial decisions are supposed to look like.
A Better Goal Than Certainty: Clarity
Clarity is not about control. It’s about connection. Clarity allows you to ask: What’s really true for me right now?
Not what should be true. Not what was true 10 years ago. Not what your financial advisor – or daughter or neighbor – thinks is true.
Clarity helps you take stock without self-blame. And it helps you honor your past without being bound to it.
Clarity also gives you room to move forward, not out of fear, but out of alignment.
Where certainty protects, clarity invites. It’s the light you turn on in the hallway so you can see where you’re going, without needing to have the whole map yet.
Curiosity: The Bridge to What’s Next
If clarity is the goal, curiosity is the tool that gets us there. But let’s be honest, curiosity takes courage. Especially when you’ve lived through hard things. Especially when the stakes feel high.
Still, curiosity is how we expand.
It’s how we soften the grip of old stories and explore new ways of doing things without throwing everything out. You don’t have to become reckless. Just willing.
Willing to ask:
- “What else might be true?”
- “What would I consider if I wasn’t afraid of being wrong?”
- “Is there another way to feel safe and strong, besides sticking to this plan?”
These are not just questions. They’re tiny doorways.
Try This Instead
When you catch yourself clinging to certainty, try this gentle shift:
Name the Fear Beneath It
Ask: What am I trying to protect myself from?
(Disappointment? Shame? Looking foolish?)
Get Curious, Not Critical
Say: Huh, that’s interesting. I wonder what else is possible here.
Zoom Out Just a Bit
Consider: If I looked at this moment from five years in the future, what might I wish I had asked or tried?
You don’t have to leap. But even a small step toward curiosity can make the ground feel a little more solid.
A Gentle Invitation
You don’t need to abandon everything you’ve built. You don’t need to second-guess your entire life. But when certainty starts to feel tight, brittle, or lonely, that’s your clue.
You deserve more than just safety. You deserve space to grow, room to change, and the kind of clarity that’s strong enough to bend.
Certainty may have helped you survive.
But clarity and curiosity? They’ll help you expand.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
How certain are you about your financial decisions? Do you have clarity guiding you and helping you grow?
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