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Growing up with a sister brings plenty of perks — like an endless supply of gossip sessions and someone to share your darkest secrets with. Sure, there are a few cons, too (hands off each other’s clothes!), but the bond is usually a beautiful mix of love and occasional tension. Sometimes, though, that bond can come with unexpected demands.
Take, for example, an 18-year-old who shared how her older sister expects her to put her own future on pause to care for her kids. Despite years of babysitting and sacrificing her free time, the author was accused of being selfish for wanting to pursue her own dreams. Keep reading to see how she navigates this tricky family dynamic and finally takes a stand for her future.
Expecting a sibling to put their life on hold to babysit your kids is simply unfair
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An 18-year-old describes how her sister’s demands for free childcare threaten her future plans
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The author provided an update on how she took control of the situation and how her sister responded
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Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
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Babysitting should be a choice, not an expectation — children shouldn’t feel pressured into caregiving
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Many of us have taken on a bit of babysitting here and there, whether for a niece, nephew, or even our own siblings. Sometimes, it’s because we genuinely want to hang out with them—they’re fun, and adorable. Other times, it’s because our siblings offered something in return, maybe a little cash or a treat. When done out of choice, helping can really bring the family closer.
But things can look very different when caregiving isn’t by choice. Some kids end up having to take on adult responsibilities early, like caring for the kids of their siblings on a regular basis, even when they’re still young adults themselves.
This is often called “parentification,” a term Hungarian-American psychiatrist Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy coined. Parentification happens when boundaries get blurred, and a child is expected to fill the shoes of an adult in ways that go beyond simple chores or occasional help.
Simply put, parentification stems from poor boundary-setting. In such situations, children’s lives become centered around responsibilities they shouldn’t have to handle, taking time away from things they’d normally be doing, like making friends or pursuing hobbies.
Parentification usually arises when parents, or other caregivers, can’t fulfill all their roles, which shifts those responsibilities onto a child. This can happen for many reasons, like financial stress, illness, or even emotional manipulation.
In low-income households, children may need to care for siblings if parents are working long hours or can’t afford childcare. The financial strain forces them into roles beyond their years. Parental separation can sometimes disrupt family dynamics, leading one sibling to take on extra caregiving responsibilities to help maintain stability for younger siblings.
Children who take on adult responsibilities at a young age often experience elevated stress and anxiety, which can persist into adulthood
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In this particular case, the author felt compelled to care for her sister’s children due to guilt and manipulation, which made it difficult to prioritize her own needs. Studies suggest that young adults who are “parentified” face a unique set of challenges.
Research shows such children may develop positive traits like empathy and responsibility. However, this often comes at the cost of high stress, anxiety, and lost adolescent experiences.
These young caregivers frequently miss out on social time, school involvement, and normal childhood experiences. This can lead to isolation from peers and long-term mental health impacts, as their development is interrupted to fulfill adult responsibilities.
In this case, the author had to make sacrifices in her studies to take care of her sister’s children. Finally, she decided to take a stand for herself, recognizing that she deserves a life focused on her own goals and aspirations. Did you ever find yourself spending too much time caring for others as a child? Did you feel a sense of responsibility or resentment during that time?
Many folks online expressed strong support and sympathy for the author
Some felt she had tolerated too much for too long and should have stood up for herself sooner
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