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When children grow up, parents might struggle to let go of their parenting responsibilities. Their primary instinct is to care for and protect their kids and once they become adults, losing that control can be difficult to cope with. However, finding balance is important, as overbearing parenting in adulthood can hinder the relationship between parents and their adult children.
Just like what happened with this 36-year-old woman, whose mom kept letting herself in without any warning. Growing tired of her intrusiveness, she demanded that she get out and even took away the keys to her home, expecting her to never show up there unannounced ever again.
Parents might struggle to let go of their adult children
Image credits: monkeybusiness (not the actual photo)
This mom would constantly let herself into her 36-year-old daughter’s home without warning
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ok_Proposal1920
Without clear boundaries, parents might think that unannounced visits are okay
There are many resources on how to parent young or adolescent children, but there’s little guidance for parents on how to navigate their relationship with kids once they become adults. This period in both adult children’s and parent’s lives may be the most complicated one, as the relationship becomes very different and parents are forced to let go of their children, who seemingly grew up overnight.
Even though their children are already independent adults, (understandably) parents want to be involved in their lives, foster their connection, and support them as much as they can. However, balancing between being involved and overstepping boundaries can be tricky. That’s why some parents might come off as overbearing or controlling.
To navigate the relationship between parents and adult children better, they both have to establish and respect boundaries they deem to be necessary in their lives. If this isn’t done, parents might think that unannounced visits and invasion of personal space and privacy are okay. Or that unsolicited advice or interference in decision-making is what children want.
While parents might think that they’re helping, crossing such boundaries can make adult children feel undermined. Unsought recommendations, control over decisions, and lack of privacy can lower psychological well-being and hinder independence and personal growth as well as the relationship between parent and their adult child.
To strengthen relationships with their adult children, parents have to listen and respect their boundaries
To avoid intrusiveness, adult children have to establish clear boundaries. They can be set around certain topics or they can be physical ones, like asking not to stop by the house without calling. The intention of boundaries is to help people communicate and connect in healthier ways. Instead of seeing boundaries as an enemy or a way for children to push them away, parents should listen and honor them and even praise their kids for standing up to make the relationship better.
In general, when their children grow up, parents should occupy the position of mentor instead of a parent. Most likely, an adult kid has different views and opinions on life so when they receive unsolicited advice or suggestions, they may feel like they’re being controlled and respond negatively or shut down completely.
Sometimes when children come to parents with an issue, all they want to do is vent, rather than receive criticism. So parents have to practice active listening and be patient with their kids. “If parents can embrace only offering advice when asked, and learn the skills to listen thoughtfully, their relationship will almost certainly strengthen,” said marriage and family therapist Sarah Epstein.
In the meantime, parents should focus on taking care of themselves, as many years of parenting have most likely taken a toll on them. They might want to prioritize their partner and do the things they enjoy for the benefit of their mental and physical health. The better state they’re in, the more effort they can put into fostering a positive relationship with their adult children.
The woman shared more information in the comments, including what happened in Mexico
Commenters suggested changing the locks
Others also agreed that the mom was being too intrusive
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