The years over 60 can be a pretty amazing time of life. Sure, your skin might not be as taught, there may be a few more creaky joints, and pulling all-nighters for any reason is firmly in the rear view.
But you’ve replaced what you’ve given up in collagen and flexibility with wisdom and confidence.
After decades of navigating careers, family, relationships, and shifting roles and identities, women in these years are like finely honed knives – sharp and essential, although it may not always feel that way.
Unfortunately, many women in their middle years feel invisible and have a tough time recognizing their own worth.
In a youth-obsessed culture, it can be hard to know where you fit in and how you can contribute meaningfully and relevantly, especially if you’re one of the many women who don’t have children or grandchildren, or aren’t close to them.
Here’s the truth, though – your experience and perspective have been earned and are invaluable, and one of the best and most powerful ways to share those things is through mentorship.
And let’s be real – becoming a mentor to someone younger isn’t just about giving back and being helpful. It’s also about taking care of yourself, specifically your mental health.
What Mentoring Really Means
When people think about a mentor, they often picture some wizened figure offering sage advice to a wide-eyed protégé.
But mentoring is far more nuanced than that. And it’s about more than just giving advice.
Real mentorship is about connection. It’s:
- Listening
- Sharing experiences
- Offering encouragement
Think of it like walking beside someone and being a touchstone as they make their own decisions and engage in their own life.
A mentor isn’t there to provide all the direction and doesn’t need to have all the answers.
Instead, a mentor provides support and perspective to help a younger person think critically and confidently grow.
Having a mentor can be life-changing for young people (especially young women).
Think about those younger years and what comes with them:
- Career pressure
- Family decisions
- Young children
- Relationship balance
And the need to integrate all those things perfectly based on experience and wisdom you’ve gained to that point in your life is hard.
In fact, it can be really hard.
A connection with someone who’s lived through all these transitions and knows that what appears to be solid ground is often quicksand in disguise can be crucial.
What Mentoring Looks Like
Mentoring sounds grand and as though it should require a particular set of skills and perhaps an application, but it’s really not like that. Or at least it doesn’t have to be.
Mentoring can look like:
- A weekly coffee date with a young woman from your workplace, neighborhood, church, or family.
- Volunteering in a youth program, a new mothers’ group, or a local hospital or business.
- Taking someone in your profession under your wing to help them learn and improve.
- Providing encouragement or support for a girl or young woman’s endeavors by showing up at sports games, presentations, and school events. Or just asking questions and showing interest.
The point is that mentoring isn’t rigid – it’s a relationship. And as is the case with most relationships, it’s built on consistency, respect, and trust.
How to Become a Mentor
Spoiler alert – you probably already are one.
The good news is you don’t need a resume, certificate, or any particular title to become a mentor. In fact, it’s very possible that if you have young people in your life, you’re already a mentor and don’t realize it.
I was counseling a guy a few weeks ago and he was describing his relationship with his grandmother when he was a teenager. He didn’t use the word mentor, but that’s sure what she was for him. She was there to listen to him, give him insight and a bigger perspective, and occasionally help him course-correct. She’s gone now, but the lessons she taught him, probably without even recognizing that’s what she was doing, he still remembers today.
But if you’d like to be more intentional about your mentoring effort, the following are good ways to start.
Look Around You
There’s no secret corral of confused youth looking for mentors. The people who can benefit from your experience are all around you.
So, think about your family, friends, and neighbors.
Is there someone younger who could use career guidance, may struggle with motherhood, or just needs some support to keep her self-esteem from plummeting?
You don’t need to make a formal offer to “mentor,” just reach out and touch base. Ask her how she’s doing, if she wants to grab coffee, or invite her for a walk.
Volunteer or Join a Program
If you’d rather have something more structured, organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters, YMCAs, churches, college alumni groups, or even sorority alumni are great places to start.
Many of these places already have mentorship programs and are actively looking for volunteers to match with their young people.
Go Digital
These days, mentorship doesn’t even have to be in-person. Sharing your stories, lessons, and insights on social media, through blogs, or on a podcast can be an effective way to reach many people.
This is also a great way for people with limited mobility or who aren’t driving to share their wisdom.
Keep in mind that being a mentor doesn’t mean you have to take on and solve someone else’s problems. It doesn’t mean you’re in charge of them, responsible for them, or relieving them of making the hard decisions.
Just consistently showing up, checking in, and providing the benefit of your perspective and experiences is all it takes.
What’s in It for You – Why Mentoring Can Be a Lifeline
We have been talking primarily about how a mentee can benefit from a mentorship. Let’s not overlook what the mentor gets from it.
Renewed Self-Worth
Sharing your experience and seeing it valued and utilized by someone reinforces self-esteem and a feeling of relevancy.
It can also provide some satisfaction to see the struggles you’ve endured and lessons you’ve learned the hard way turned into tools and assets for someone else.
Connection
Mentoring bridges generations. It can create a greater connection to the people around you, reduce isolation, and combat loneliness.
Purpose
A unique satisfaction comes from investing in someone else’s life and growth. Mentorship can create a legacy and a feeling that you’re leaving an indelible mark on the future.
Family (Chosen If Not Biological)
Some women don’t have children or grandchildren. Others have family that is estranged or gone.
For women in these situations, there can be a deep ache and feeling of being sidelined as their peers busy themselves with the younger generations of their family.
Mentorship can be a fulfilling and powerful antidote to this.
When you mentor, you share your love, insight, and stories with someone who wants to learn from you and isn’t obligated by biology.
These chosen families and intergenerational friendships can be as valid and rewarding as biological relationships.
Final Thoughts
I’ve spoken with women (and men) who’ve said, “I’d love to be a mentor, but no one’s ever asked me.”
I tell them that in all likelihood, no one ever will.
Very few of us think about asking someone to become our mentor. It just doesn’t occur to us. This isn’t because we don’t want it or need it, but because we’re too busy to think about it or think you’re too busy to be interested.
So, don’t wait for an invitation. Extend your hand first. Go for coffee, share a story, and offer some perspective.
To be an effective mentor, you don’t need to be perfect – you just need to be willing to engage.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you want to be a mentor but don’t know how? Are you already a mentor or have experience mentoring? Share your stories about mentoring and join the conversation.
