That’s one of the most common questions I hear when women look at their monthly bills. Not “how much can I afford,” but, “Is what I’m doing okay?” If that’s you – you’re not alone, and you’re not doing it wrong.
Let’s talk about what’s “right” – for you.
Understand What “Bills” Means in This Season of Life
For many women over 60, monthly expenses aren’t just rent, electricity, and the phone bill. They might include:
Tip: Don’t categorize your spending by “want” or “need” or even “necessary” vs “unnecessary”. Instead, try grouping your spending by the purpose that it serves TO YOU.
Once you’ve broken down your spending by purpose, get an idea for roughly how much you are devoting to spending, saving, and investing each month. If you like you can focus on percentages.
Evaluate the Framework as It Sits Right Now
What are your thoughts about how you’re distributing money to your spending, saving, and investing? Does it feel too restrictive? Does it feel like you’re not contributing to your savings at a pace that helps you feel safe? Does how you’ve set up your money right now align with your values?
If the answers to the above questions are “No”, “Yes”, “Yes”, you might consider that your system is working just fine!
If you answered “Yes” to feeling restricted, consider meeting yourself halfway between what you think you should be spending, and what you are actually spending.
Tip: Try tracking your spending WITHOUT changing your spending behavior if you need to get a good idea of what you are actually spending.
If you answered “No” to not contributing to savings at a pace that makes you feel secure AND/OR you don’t feel like you’re spending in line with your values, consider moving just 5% of your spending over to savings. This is also a good time to evaluate your spending. The easiest way to start that is to ask yourself the question “What is the purpose of this spending?” AS you are spending money.
We’re not at all concerned if you feel like you do or do not deserve whatever you’re spending on (because of course you deserve it!). We are focusing on evaluating the spending itself. In other words:
Don’t evaluate yourself. Evaluate your spending.
Guilt Is Not a Budgeting Tool
If you’re still paying a grown child’s car insurance or funding family dinners out of guilt, it’s time to pause. Generational patterns – especially those around being “the helper” or “the one who always gives” – can quietly drain your bank account and your energy.
You’re allowed to re-evaluate your financial relationship with family. Knowing when and how to stop giving or loaning money to your grown children isn’t easy, but it is possible!
If Your Bills Don’t Fit Your Income, You’re Not a Failure
When I’m working with my clients on their very own custom-built budget, very often the first few go-rounds there will be a noticeable mismatch between what they expect to spend and what they expect to have coming in.
Noticing what you’re spending (without punishment or shame) is the first step to bringing those two numbers closer together. Sometimes just awareness of spending is all it takes!
If a few months of just being aware of spending isn’t moving income and expenses together, it’s time to start strategizing. This isn’t restriction we’re talking about; it’s (again) focusing on what that spending is providing to you, and beginning to make “this-or-that” choices.
Next time you go to the store, pick up two things at random out of your cart and ask yourself, if you had to make a choice between the two, which would you choose? Play this game a few times and you will likely notice your brain will naturally begin to evaluate your choices.
In Conclusion: You Get to Define “Right”
The truth is, there’s no right amount to spend on bills – but there is a version of “right” that fits your life, your values, and your current reality. Your life is complex, messy, beautiful, and totally unlike anyone else’s. Trying to comply with some arbitrary percentage-based rule is not likely to work.
The point isn’t to force your money into someone else’s mold – it’s to understand what your money is doing for you, and whether that still feels like it’s of service to you. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to prioritize peace. And you’re allowed to build a system that supports the version of life you want now – not the one someone told you to want 30 years ago.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you spend your money mindfully? Are you critical toward your spending habits? When was the last time you took a moment to consider a particular purchase?
