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At the core of practically any happy and healthy marriage, you’ll find good communication, consistent support, empathy, and mutual respect. That being said, no relationship is ever ‘perfect.’ Arguments can and do happen—especially over chores and responsibilities—and some are worse than others. The goal is to use the opportunity to get on the same page and continue on as a team, stronger than ever.
Redditor u/Magical-Princess recently went viral on the AITA online group and elsewhere on the internet after sharing how she snapped at her husband. The woman, who was sleep-deprived, finally had enough after her sick husband asked her to help take care of their child. You’ll find the full story, the update, and the internet’s thoughts below. Meanwhile, Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
It’s very important that married couples remember they’re a team, meant to support each other when things get tough
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
One sleep-deprived mom shared how she snapped at her husband when he got ill, meaning she had to take on his parenting responsibilities
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Magical-Princess
Couples need to find ways to support each other when one of them isn’t feeling their best
The goal is to be a team and remain a team no matter the ups and downs in your relationship. Not only does that entail respecting each other’s boundaries, it also means actively supporting your partner when they need it.
To be very direct, you can’t expect to do much of anything when you’re chronically exhausted or ill. You need quality rest to get better. You need to take care of yourself first so that you can then take care of others.
If you see that your partner hasn’t gotten enough sleep the past few days, you can step in and take care of the kids, do the chores, and do anything else that needs doing. Is it tiring? Sure. But the only other option would be to dump those responsibilities on your exhausted partner which is going to strain your relationship and lead to a ton of resentment down the line.
Similarly, if you’re feeling well but your partner is sick, you can take on their share of the responsibilities for a while. Then, when they get better, you can continue splitting the chores, housework, and parental responsibilities in a fair way.
‘Fair’ obviously doesn’t mean a perfectly equal 50-50 split, though. Different families have different circumstances, where one partner might work long hours from the office while the other has more flexibility with their remote job. So, you need to take that into account. But there should never be a situation where one person does the absolute majority of the chores.
If there’s an issue with the way the chores are split, you need to talk to your partner about finding a fairer setup. They can’t read minds, so if there’s a problem, you really can’t expect them to read your body language and tone and ascertain that you’re having a hard time.
You should be firm about what you need and explain how their behavior affects you, but you also shouldn’t sound judgmental. People who are being judged can get defensive or avoid the issue altogether, which is good for nobody if you want a compromise.
Sleep deprivation is nothing to laugh at. If you’re chronically exhausted, it has serious effects on your physical and mental health
A good way to split the chores is to look at what you like or don’t mind doing and take on those responsibilities, letting your partner do the same. As for the housework that nobody enjoys, you can split that evenly. Obviously, everyone still pitches in as needed, trying to help out around the house without being asked.
The way that sleep works, according to research, is that our brains use the downtime to ‘wash’ themselves and flush out chemical waste.
Sleep deprivation is serious business. If you constantly get less than 7 to 8 hours of sleep (slightly more or less depending on your body, genetics, and age), you can cause serious harm to your physical and mental health. The longer you’re sleep-deprived, the more serious the potential risks.
For example, the Cleveland Clinic explains that if you get just 1.5 hours of sleep less one night, your immune and cardiovascular systems suffer.
Sleep deprivation can also lead to memory problems, moodiness, a lack of alertness, and an inability or an unwillingness to take part in normal daily activities. These are short-term effects.
Long-term effects of sleep deprivation include anxiety, depression, forgetfulness, blurred vision, and slow(er) reaction times.
The person also develops issues with their immune system and hormones, feels more stress in life, and is at risk of developing neurodegenerative diseases.
How do you split the responsibilities with your partner if one of you is feeling tired or ill, dear Pandas? What do you do if you’re both exhausted? Let us know in the comments.
As the story went viral, the author shared more context
Most readers thought the mom had nothing to be sorry about. They supported her
A few internet users had the opposite opinion and thought the author should have handled things a bit differently
A while later, the woman shared an update after showing everyone’s comments to her husband
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Magical-Princess
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