I still remember walking my daughter down the aisle – heart pounding, tears threatening, and… “Why did I wear this?” Two days later, scrolling through wedding photos, I did that thing we all do: zoomed in on myself. Not the radiant bride, not the smiling family – me. And the only thought louder than “How beautiful was the ceremony?” was, “What was I thinking with that jacket?”
Welcome to the next episode of Fashion Regret Theater: Special Occasions Edition. Or “How Come I Didn’t Plan Better?”
The Great Wedding Wardrobe Quest
Let me back up. I tried. I really tried.
I scoured racks. I ordered dresses online and returned most of them faster than you can say “final sale.” I danced in reversible jackets (adorable – but only if you’re under 5’3″ or wear pants with dramatic flair). I flirted with boho maxis, tried on silks that screamed “Mother of the Groom in 1989,” and even slipped into a daring tiered blue number… until a glimpse of the side view made me ask, “Who’s pregnant?” Spoiler alert: not me.
After weeks of trying to become someone else’s vision of festive elegance, I defaulted to what I always wear: sleek black dress, interesting jacket, trusty boots. Because after all, my daughter’s only request was simple: “Mom, dress like you always do.”
I thought I did. But somewhere between confidence and comparison, I lost my way.
The Self-Inflicted Fashion Police
And so, I spent the weekend doing what women are world-class experts at: silently critiquing ourselves in the middle of big, beautiful moments.
- Should’ve hunted down more outfits.
- Why didn’t I find that perfect jacket?
- Were these really the right boots?
Meanwhile, I was surrounded by love, joy, great music and people I love, and I was worried about my shoes? If there were an Olympic event for focusing on the wrong thing, I’d podium. Gold, baby.
What I See Now (Besides the Dress)
In the days after the holy matrimony, something shifted. Maybe it was looking at the photos for the eighth or ninth time. Maybe it was the moment my daughter sent the photographer’s proofs and texted, “You looked beautiful, Mom.” Or maybe it was that subtle, unshakable truth whispering, “It was never about the dress.”
Here’s what I’ve come to understand:
It Was Her Day, Not Mine
My daughter’s smile outshone everything. Her joy filled the room. I was lucky just to be standing beside her.
No Outfit Beats Presence
I showed up. I laughed, I hugged, I cried. I was fully there. And no outfit – no matter how expensive or in vogue – can replace that.
Style Isn’t a Costume
The real question isn’t, “Did I wear the perfect dress?” It’s, “Did I feel like me?” And if the answer is “not quite,” then the work ahead isn’t about clothes. It’s about letting go of who we think we should be and embracing who we are.
Takeaways for Your Next “Big Day” (or Everyday)
Identify Your Signature Style
Not what’s trending. Not what your neighbor wore to her cousin’s bat mitzvah. What makes you feel strong, relaxed, radiant? Start there.
Set Realistic Expectations
You’re juggling life, family, maybe some hot flashes and a to-do list longer than your arm. No one expects you to emerge in full Met Gala couture. Just aim for you, elevated.
Focus on the Feeling, Not the Fit
Will you remember the silhouette of your jacket – or the warmth of hugging your child as they step into a new life?
The Surprise Ending? A New Wardrobe
Here’s the funny part: The wardrobe quest didn’t end when the music stopped, and the cake was eaten, and she took her bouquet home.
Something woke up in me. After years of style autopilot (black on black with a touch of black), I started shopping again – more purposefully with curiosity. I didn’t find the outfit for the wedding, but I found something better: a cute sundress, a great jacket, pants that fit, and – gasp! Not one, but two blouses that weren’t black.
Weeks after the wedding, the weather got warmer and, as I trepidatiously approached my closet, it was different, welcoming. The clothes hanging in a row were punctuated by splashes of color. New choices. A little joy. And a glimmer of satisfaction that I am still evolving.
What’s Next?
I’m retiring from fashion regret. I’m giving myself a break. I’m wearing what I love – and loving what I wear. I’m ditching the idea that one dress can make or break a moment and embracing the truth that the best accessory is always presence.
Here’s to showing up as ourselves, finding joy in the journey, and dancing down the aisle of life – in boots, jackets, or whatever makes you feel you.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What was the most recent event you attended? How did you pick your outfit? Did you end up having outfit regrets?
